I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
