too bad you live with your parents still
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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