Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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