i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
