i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
