i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
