can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
