i think my tv is drunk
My liver just broke up with me...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
