I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
