I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize