what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
