I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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