I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
