Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
