before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize