Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They took my balls.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
