Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
