My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
