dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
