they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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