Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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