you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
