Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize