Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
