I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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