Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
