Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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