We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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