just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
