I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
