why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
