She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
