She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
