I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
