I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize