when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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