so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina is officially offended.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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