Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
