Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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