yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
