I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
