Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
