He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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