dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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