All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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