Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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