we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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