I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
