I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
