Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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