I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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