She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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