Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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