I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
