Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
