Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize