My sheets look like a crime scene.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
