Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
