I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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