I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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