I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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