He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
