Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
