for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
