This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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