I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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