I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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