I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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